Trina Vega, birthday weeks, and existentialism (aka my ins and outs for 23)
birthday ponderings
I don’t cry very often, but I have a very vivid memory of crying the day of my 13th birthday party. Like full-on, curled in a ball on my childhood flowery bedsheets silent sobs. There was nothing truly wrong, and nothing bad had happened. My parents had been kind enough to plan a birthday party for me at a rollerskating rink with some of my friends. As an adult, I am beginning to realize how expensive kid’s parties are. I only had two big parties as a kid that I remember, and I am beyond thankful that my parents were even able to do that for me.
I tend to get the birthday blues. If I sit and think for too long on my birthday, something about it all feels very upsetting to me. I don’t specifically know what it is. Maybe it’s disappointment in what I’ve accomplished over the last year, maybe it’s anxiety about what’s next. Sometimes the weight of existing as a whole person just feels really heavy. But this year I think more than anything I am thankful. Thankful when I think about what an incredible community I am surrounded by. Thankful when I think about my family, when I think about the opportunities that I’ve had. Just thankful to be here.
Last week I turned 23, and a few days later I went rollerskating with my friends to celebrate. And I didn’t cry all day, but if I had, it would have been okay! I’m allowing myself to be okay.
I’ve been thinking about things that I want to keep with me as I turn 23 and things I want to leave in the past. Like an in and out list for the year, but specifically for my age.
In:
continuing to find your voice and advocate for others
I’ve grown a lot since 2020, thank God. Some of my friends have said that I’ve grown into my 8 wing1, which is something I’m really thankful for. I’m less afraid to stand up for what I believe in and call people out on their bs.
birthday weeks
Trina Vega from Victorious is certainly a….. character, but she was honestly onto something with celebrating the entire week of her birthday. I’ve been more aware this week of how thankful I am for the things I have and vocalizing them. It’s something that I want to do more often in general. Important caveat, I don’t think that anyone else should have to participate in your birthday week. I think it’s just a personal awareness that you can do nice things for yourself and that you deserve it! Here’s where I’d recommend that ‘Treat Yo Self’ episode of Parks and Recreation but you get it.
overnight oats
creative times with my pals
reading more plays and film scripts
poetry!!!!
I took a poetry class my last semester of undergrad, and it completely shifted my writing style and increased my love for poetry exponentially. I hope that this year will be a year of writing more poems and creative nonfiction work for me.
dnd (dungeons and dragons) and ttrpgs (tabletop roleplaying games)
Maybe it’s just my inner theater kid, but man. Playing silly little ttrpgs with my friends has been so life-giving the past few years. I cannot recommend enough.
reading before bed
tea
scrapbooking
My friend Sabrina has a massive notebook that they keep little collected tickets in. Their last one was filled with receipts, flyers from travels, doodles, things like that. I have a bad habit of holding on to scraps of paper from events, concert stubs and arm bands, really random things that I would benefit from throwing away. But collecting them all in one scrapbook is a good way to get to hold onto these items and not have them take up random space in my room.
Out:
birthday blues
Screw that.
plastic
New York Times Connections
tiktok psych majors
Y’all, we have to stop. I say this with love and as someone with a psych degree.
fixating on the future
Listen future self, it’ll arrive or it won’t. And I’ll do stuff or I won’t. I spend so much time thinking about my future possibilities (you can call me Madame Web) that I don’t spend nearly enough time just glad that I’m existing where I am now.
Maybe I’ll add more as I get further into this year but for now, I’m just glad to be here. Thanks for hanging, I’m glad you’re here :)
I used to find the enneagram really fascinating. I still do, just in a slightly less obsessive way than I used to, especially as I am understanding who I am better now. I don’t need to be told who I am as much, I’m figuring it out for myself. But if you’re curious, I’m a 9 wing 8, and traits of those do feel very true for me.